Walking Together

Ok, snow?!?! It is actually snowing this afternoon on my mountaintop. It is wwwwaaaayyyyy to early to be spreading the white stuff.

Today I was with Eileen at Strong while she was getting ready to go to Benecassa in Mendon. Kathy; her sister; and I stood off to the side when the nurse came in to go over her discharge orders. We listened to Eileen's nurse explaining the papers with tears streaming down our cheeks. Nothing is more heartbreaking than to hear her say the words "you had a CAT scan while you were here and it was determined that there was nothing that we (Strong) could do to extend your life. Therefore, you understand this is the reason that you will be taken care of from this day forward by the wonderful hospice nurses at Benecassa. You also have the right to disagree with our decision and ask that we do further treatments if you think that it would be beneficial." Eileen's' lip started to quiver and in a tiny little voice said that she understood and signed it. WHAM - reality check right in the face. It was like she was signing her own death certificate. It felt like that for us bystanders and it felt like that to her. She is not going to be on this earth for too much longer, and this paper is like a verification. I kissed her goodbye and left her in the grieving hands of her family. Please pray for God's grace and mercy, that He will bring the peace she needs as she prepares for the next journey.

Ok, enough about Eileen (sorry). I want to focus on a couple of verses and I need your input. I am probably weird, but when God convicts me with something I should be doing, or something I have done, I see it as a blessing. Why a blessing? Because if God doesn't bring forth what His will is for me, then I will not grow in His Holy Spirit.

The verses that have taken over my little bitty mind the past few days are: Proverbs 3:56, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." and also Malachi 3:10, "Bring the whole tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this", says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

The Proverbs verse is probably the one verse that most of us have etched in our memories, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.....". The magical word here is "trust" or not to doubt. And "with all your heart" no less. Ouch. That is easier than done for me sometimes. I have caught myself all too often of not trusting the Lord. But it is right there....."In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." So why is it so hard to trust Him in everything?

The area of my life where I lack the most trust is with my finances. I can't figure out why I can trust Him with my health, or with my family, but I have the worse time trusting Him with my checkbook. But I think that those two verses should be side by side in the bible.

See, I never tithed before. I gave my weekly offering, but I wasn't tithing. One excuse was that Roy would have had a cow if I gave the church 10% of his paycheck. Especially when he is the only one in this family that brings home a check. Another excuse was, if I tithed then we would have to go without that much in groceries or have to give up something. Both excuses would require trust for which I was lacking. But I prayed and asked for the faith and trust (or courage) that I needed from Him. I mean that it is the only place in the Bible where He says to "put Him to the test". Well I am always up for a challenge, so I started tithing. It was 1/3 of my grocery money!

I tithed with a joyful heart and things seemed to be just as He said it would be. But then gas prices doubled, the bills were really starting to pile up, and groceries was fast becoming a luxury. So I freaked! Yes, He was providing for my needs, but I guess I had this idea that if I were trust Him enough to tithe, then He would "pour out so many blessings that I wouldn't have room for them all". But where I was standing there wasn't a big enough box to fit all the bills into, and my parents were requiring more attention (thus more gas for the car), and my kids were screaming for me to buy real groceries. I am ashamed to admit that I quit tithing and started just putting a couple of buck in the plate now and then. I can't even keep up with my pledge (but that's another blog, lol).

Now this is where I need you tithers and non-tithers to jump in and help me. Part of me says that seeing that I repay my debtors and keep my family fed is doing what the Lord wants me to do. But then I struggle that the reason I didn't see blessings pouring in fast enough to keep the electric on was the result of not keeping the faith. Maybe I threw in the towel at the first sight of trouble.

What do you think? What are your thoughts on tithing? I have a couple of friends who tithe faithfully no matter what else is on their plate, and I admire their trust. But like me, a majority of my friends do not tithe for other reasons. Let's talk and help each other walk down this narrow path He wants us on.